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How should I react to just finding out my Boyfriends son is a special needs child?

My BF's son is very rude to me, but I just found out things I didint know before. He has great difficulty with reasoning and language skills, has memory problems, and reads,writes and spells at a 2nd grade level. He also has behavior problems:poor manners and NO EMPATHY for anyone. He is 12 but very childish for his age. I saw a psychological report that stated he is more lke a self centered 9 year old, along with describing the memory,reasoning and learning problems.The other kids pick on him to the point that he has quit some activites he was doing a few months ago.He has no real close friends at school.His mom is disinterested in him, and my BF will not stand up to her the way he should. My BF is talking about having him move in with us, but I am not sure if I am ready, or able to live with a special needs child 24/7. Before I found out about this, I just thought the boy was just spoiled, or a typical disrespectful child. I do not want to have him move in and everyone be miserable. The other thing is my BF pretty much expects me to put up with the constant backtalk, aggression (the kid has shoved me out of his way more than once) because his son has problems

Public Comments

1. be sensible....
2. Love him as your own and try to treat him as you would want to be treated...he might be special but he can achieve great things with someone who loves him
3. compassionately--if you don't care enough about your bf, to the point where you do not think of a future with him--let them both go.
4. Well, it sounds like he needs a little more love, but it also sounds like he's one of those kids that make it hard to be nice to them. I don't think that you really have much choice about him moving in so try to think positive - maybe if he is in a happier home with a more structured life he will be happier and behave better. Good Luck!
5. Evaluate the situation and decide whether you can cope with things as you now know they stand, before you knew you was probably hoping the boy would come to like you with time... this might not be the case now and you may have to put up with this forever, can you deal with that? look at, or ask about, other people that the boy has got to know, does he eventually get better towards them? This is something that you heart needs to decide, what ever you do decide, deal with it in a compasionate way.
6. Dealing with a special needs child is hard, for both the parent and the child. Especiialy if you find out weel after the child is born. I know how you feel, my husband and I are having tests done for our son to see if he has Autism. There are many NORMAL stages that go with handleing a special needs child. Anger, grief, frustration, jealous, and hate are very normal feeling. Imagine how your BF son feels. He probably doesnt understand whats wrong, and has a hard time making friends. Talk to him, and be supportive. Its not going to get better over night, but it will get better in the long run if you keep up with communication and letting him know you are there for him. I can understand why you dont want him to move in, but dont put that burden on the child. If he senses how you feel, it coould really hurt his self eeteem, and make him want to ast out more. Try not to treat him as a special needs child. Children who are treated like they are different, tend to act different by acting out, throwing tantrums, and giving guilt trips. Let hiim know who the boss is, but also be sympathetic to his situation. Talk your your BF about how you feel. Hes never going to know unless you tell him. Be involved in the desicion making and ask as many questions that you feel you need to ask. Find programs to enroll the child in. Most school have after school and during school programs for kids with special needs. Get invlved in what the child is doing, and show him you care. Its not going to be easy at first. Be a freind more than a parent to the child. I wish you the best of luck. Try looking up some support groups and message boards online, they might help. Remember to talk to your BF, because letting him know how you really feel will help.
7. Well, first things first. Remember that this choice is most definately up to you, and if you feel strongly against letting your boyfriend's son move in with you, then you can just bet that you will probably be very miserable indeed. However, if you feel like you want to give this a shot and see what you can do for both your boyfriend and this boy, go for it. Special needs children are just what they sound like. They have *special needs*. There must be something that this boy likes to do...something that he likes to see, hear, and be encouraged in. He may have trouble remembering things, but some needs, wants, and desires go so deep within a human that it becomes embedded in them and will not go away. Does he like sports? Would it be easier for him to learn things through other things that he likes to do? Do you think it would help to sit down and talk quietly with him for a while? The more you get to know him, the more you will begin to recognize what turns him on, turns him off, helps him, calms him, and angers him. If professional help is an option, maybe you should consider that, too. The very best thing you can do, if you decide to let him come into your home, is be patient and forgiving, and whenever you feel like things may be getting out of control, step back, take a break, and talk to your boyfriend. After all, this is his son, and if you feel like you need a break before things start getting out of control for YOU, then it is time for him, as the father, to step in and do what you are practicing as well. If not doing *more* than that. He should be doing that right beside you from the start. Again, you can also tell your boyfriend that you are not ready to take on this immense responsibility yet...as it is indeed an *immense* responsibility. He may seem angry at you, but it is unfair for him to put you through something like this when his child is truly not your responsibility. Think it over thoroughly, talk some more with your boyfriend, and make the decision with care and confidence.
8. It's only going to get worse as time goes by. You have 2 options. Accept him as your own (which doesn't sound possible from what you are saying) or end the relationship. If the child moves in with you, your relationship is going to revolve around him (the child) and it will deteriorate. Since it seems like you don't have a choice in the matter, get out before you regret it.
9. My child was doing the same thing,I refuse to put him on any kind of medication.I had a lot of test ran and he has neuro behavior disorder.it means I drunk too much alcohol while I was pregnant.The older he gets the harder it will be for him to learn.You are going to have to have patience,something may be going on between him and his mother or her boyfriend,etc.My son was 14 when I had the tests done,they were able to tell from 14 years ago,it amazed me.
10. try to find activities he likes and help him out he is only 12 but he thinks like younger age and is being bulled so maybe that's why he is upset maybe you should also talk to the school all kids disabled or not need alot of Patience
11. Just because he has special needs doesn't mean he has a license to treat others rudely. Good behavior should be expected regardless of what the memory problems or learning problems are. It doesn't mean you or your BF have to be mean about it, but you still have to make sure the boy knows how to behave properly.